Sometimes life seems to go from good to better. Other times, from bad to worse! Ups and downs are a natural part of life, and no-one has ever gone through life feeling absolutely happy and wonderful every day. Life’s problems don’t distinguish between gender or cultures. They affect us all; some more than others, some harsher than others.

No matter how hard it seems now,  there comes a time when we are forced to accept that life won’t always be good and we will have to come to terms with that and learn to deal with our emotions. These are a few things that we need to keep in mind, when we feel ready to do so, and try and pick ourselves up and find the strength to move on.

You can’t turn back time. How many times we have wished that was true. Unfortunately it isn’t and there isn’t much you can do about something that has already happened. What we could do it learn from every single experience we have and understand why we acted the way we did. In time,  we will become more conscious of who we are, learn to accept our pasts and find a to deal with our feelings and emotions.

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It is ok to fail. Failure is an important part of our learning process. Just because you are struggling doesn’t necessarily mean that you are not good enough. Struggle is part of life; failing is also. We get up and try again. Try to stay patient and positive. ‘Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.’

There are things out of your control. While many things depend on the way we handle them, deal with them and on our own personal decisions there would still be times that we won’t be able to do nothing about a certain event or situation.

The pain you feel is part of growing. Sometimes the best thing to do about a situation is just to give up and walk away. Giving up when appropriate doesn’t make you a failure. It just makes you aware and empathic on what is going on. ‘Giving up, only shows that you are in charge of a situation, that you have found inner peace and know yourselves, that you are mindfully walking away from a situation which has already ended and you are saving yourself a variety of bad unnecessary feelings and emotions.’ (Learn to give up)

You are not responsible for other people’s negativity. You will be forced to deal with many peoples negative attitude throughout your life. You have to try to not take things personally even if they seem personal. Negative people are unhappy with their own life and will try to bring down everyone they associate with. Don’t fall for it. Even when someone is trying to make you feel bad about something, smile. Also make sure you are surrounded with other people who smile often and who try to see the positive side of every single thing.

Embrace change. As I have already written in another article, ‘life’s struggles are our personal journey; it is a very personal business. Even when people are faced with the same kind of problems, they will never experience or handle them the same way as someone else. We usually discard generic advice and guidance ‘lessons’ on the basis that we are different and what worked for others usually doesn’t apply to us. We are, after all, unique both in nature and in the way we react to events and situations in our life.’ Read some tips here on how to embrace change in your life.

Get rid of all the clutter in your life to make space for new things. Set up a day where you will do a life cleansing. Start with your phone: look through your phone book and delete every single person who you don’t’ talk to, or who does not make you happy or you doesn’t need to be in your life. You will feel a lot better after doing that. Then, de-clutter your wardrobe and your house by donating all the clothes and shoes that don’t fit you and have been in your wardrobe for many years. Look around your house and throw away, give away or sell bits and pieces that serve no other reason than to just fill up your house.

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Form new habits. I know, old habits are very bad to break. But what if you were to form new exciting ones? It takes a bit of work on your part but you will be very grateful for that later. Developing new habits take a bit of time but once they are established they will stay with you for life. Start from introducing some form of exercise in your life. Whether you choose to go for a daily 20 minute walk or sweat it out on the gym treadmill, it will bring a big change in you and the results will definitely give you a more positive outlook in life.

Why don’t you do some volunteer work? There is nothing more satisfying than working with animals, puppies, or children as part of volunteering.  The feel good effect will be almost instantaneous.

Past trauma is a sign of strength. Don’t feel ashamed for your pat scars; and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. ‘A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of.’ You can’t make past trauma go away or disappear. You have been through it and you became stronger because of it. Even if you are still processing what happened and trying to come to terms with it, that is nothing to be ashamed of. See your scars as a sign of strength and not weakness.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you. Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars.  See your scars as a sign of “YES!  I MADE IT!  I survived and I have my scars to prove it!  And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”( Rumi)

Dealing with adversity is an inescapable part of life. Learning how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t crush us, is unfortunately less certain, and so much more important. You have to take the bitter with the sweet, and learn to appreciate both.
Only by embracing both sides of life can we truly appreciate the good parts of it, and learn not to let the bad parts rule us completely.
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Psychologist, world citizen, mother - Effie is one half of the alwaysladies.com founding pair. She can bring to life any party with either a smile, or a strong opinion. If like us you can't get enough of Effie, visit her blog at www.thethinkingmomblog.com

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