I met this man while we were working at the same place together, Publix. I was head over heels for him and felt love at first sight. I  was blind to people warning me against him and when I discovered that his ex girlfriend hanged herself, he always claimed that he just found her there. I did anything and everything for him, wanting to gain what I thought was his love and affection but I had sucker written across my forehead.

I then got to know him better and despite  people telling me that he had drinking and substance abuse problems I ignored it. By that time, I was so utterly fascinated by him that nothing else really mattered. Our relationship was pretty much on and off, off and on – he would dump me at the holidays so he wouldn’t have to buy me gifts, making me cry more often than not, but I persisted.

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Then one evening he told me he loved me and I was hooked (not in a good way). He had a serious cocaine problem and was out of his mind when he would use. Time went by and dumbly I thought he would change and I gave him chance after chance after umpteenth chance. The first time he physically hurt me was when we moved in together to my first apartment, by body slamming me to the floor claiming I slipped. I ended up at the emergency room but I didn’t press charges.Then the insults and isolation started by telling me he was the only one who could ever love me properly, calling me a lost soul and that he was there to rescue me.

He came home from a fair they called Oriolefest ( for the Baltimore Orioles season training) one night and he was roaring drunk, screaming and yelling at me. I stood up to him but when I called the police he acted as if I was the crazy one. He belittled me about my hair, my clothes or myself in general. He often told me that I didn’t have good enough clothes to wear in order to go out with him and kept reminding me that his father had money. He told me that I didn’t fit in his social class; I had to be an “A horse” in order to be accepted in his family. I still stayed…

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We got married in June of 2010 and things went downhill from there on. He stole from our joint bank account, his child support froze our account, he’d take off with my debit card without asking me and his drinking and drug use got worse. He started losing weight from drinking alcohol instead of eating and taking prescription drugs his friends gave him.

That leads up to 2012, when he received his first restraining order for Battery with Strangulation.  I was working very hard, was very tired and needless to say hating my life with him. He was always so drunk, and while he could barely walk he asked to go to the beach. I agreed to go so as I could him fall flat on his face in public.

He told me “You can’t leave ME!! I won’t LET you!”. By this time I was consumed with so much rage that I walked away from him and headed towards the restaurant. Later that night I had to get away so I visited my friend downstairs.  Went I got back up to the apartment and a fight took place where he shoved the door on me and again body slammed me and grabbing my hands forcing them against his head and shouting like a crazy man saying:  “you want to hit me?? huh? huh? you like hitting people???” I was terrified and my friends thankfully called the cops. In August 2012 he was finally arrested.

Half the time he would be a loopy mess, mixing Gin with illegal drugs and medication, becoming this vile stranger raging at me, calling himself a God.

So, I put a restraining order on him and he would keep texting me and calling, threatening that if I didn’t drop the charges, he’d take away everything I owned.  Well, as you probably figured out, I dropped the charges. He told me he stopped drinking  – that lasted only a week.  He started again but this time it got progressively worse.  He would steal prescription medicine from me and we got thrown out of our apartment for fighting all the time.

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We had to move into another place and it escalated to new terrifying heights for me.  He lost three jobs from drug paraphernalia suspicion just two weeks after we moved in the new place. We constantly fought and when he started working for Hooters it turned into mental and physical cruelty.

He’d embarrass me at my job and also  embarrass me at his job by saying little things about me. He’d accuse me of being with men after work when NO such thing was even happening. One night he told me he wished I was raped or attacked or killed because I deserve it for being such a miserable “c…n” to him.  He’d slam doors at all hours of the night in drunk rages, lock the bedroom door so I couldn’t get any clothes.

[quote_box_right]He was in a total rage and threatened to kill me[/quote_box_right]

One night he was beyond any drunk state I had ever seen him in and was lurching all over and threatened to hit me out on the street and when we got home he used the clippers on his hair made a royal mess out of it.

I was so scared that night that I couldn’t sleep. Being a PTSD sufferer brought about so much stress that I had a night terror which woke him up and all he could say was “You crazy f&%@ing bitch!! Wake the whole neighborhood up!”Then it all fell apart for the last time when he had his friend’s son stay with us who just got out of jail after having served 7 months.

They would fight all the time and the night I had him arrested for the second time he whispered in my ear as calmly as possible:  “I could kill you like I killed my last girlfriend”. That was it!!! I called the police and he tried to grab my phone and shoved me to the ground.He then threatened to break my neck as he was leaving the house.

Needless to say, he is on his 2nd restraining order for Battery with intent to Strike and I haven’t seen him except for the two times he came to get his things but I had my back to the wall both times he was there and I’d be a crying, shaky mess when he left.

During the first month I sat in one spot, too afraid to even cry, eat, sleep or go to work. The second month, I told myself that I had to try and move on. After all he’s put me through I am still terrified for my safety.  I can’t go near where he works…I get panic attacks.  I have totally lost myself and still trying to find me again. I have moved houses  and lost my job since and can’t afford to pay for the divorce yet.

I have now managed to find another job. I have had to give a deposition because of what he did. I don’t want him doing this to another woman if I can help it.  

My injuries are on the inside where you can’t see them. It will be very hard to convince a judge of all that I have been through. I know that this may not be as serious as some but I am suffering differently. I will be scarred on the inside for the rest of my life and still suffer with fear and not sleeping and being jumpy or breaking out crying for no reason other than it was a trigger of something or another. 

I’ve had friends asking whether I wanted them to attend my funeral, asking if I wanted to end up in a body bag, pressuring me to know if I wanted him to hurt me even worse the next time… it’s my turn to be of help, to anyone out there who is hurting. Deborah.
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2 COMMENTS

  1. You were never alone. You had family near all you had to do was, Ask. I knew it was bad, I was waiting to read your obit in the paper.

    • Linda, thank you for commenting. Sometimes it really hard to ask for ask, even though we know its there. I hope more and more women get to finally speak up and get out of such kind of relationships before its too late.

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