Bonnie Koehn is a respectful blogger and single parent who has inspired me many times in the past. I recently read one of her posts, a beautiful ‘apologetic’ type letter to all of her friends who became mothers before her. I can truthfully relate to that and there are so many more ‘realities’ that could also be included here. Perhaps, if all of our children-free girlfriends could draw any kind of wisdom from it, women might just have a bit more understanding between them when it comes to motherhood. It goes something like this:
“To my seasoned, knowledgeable, forgiving best friends who jumped off the cliff into motherhood long before I did:
– I’m sorry I ever uttered the words “I’m so tired” in your presence; I had no idea what tired really means.
– I’m sorry I bought you that book about making homemade organic baby food. REALLY sorry.
– I’m sorry I thought it was fun for my boyfriend and I to be your house guests when you were a few days from giving birth. What was I thinking?
– I’m sorry I called you crying about my single girl drama when you had babies and toddlers and husbands needing you 24/7. I know now that talking on the phone when you have small children is pure torture; I don’t know how or why you made time to listen.
– I’m sorry for not shutting up when you were sleep deprived. I didn’t know what it does to your attention span. I should have sat with you in silence and rubbed your feet.
– I’m sorry for not bringing you food. I should have done your dishes. Or taken out your garbage. Or folded your laundry. I remember the day you made me lunch while you fed your toddler and made a cake. Are you human?
– I’m sorry for not coming over more. We could have watched TV in our sweats after the kids were in bed. Why did I think you would want to meet me downtown for margaritas?
– I’m sorry about my baby envy and for letting it get in the way of my ability to be fully present for you.
– I’m sorry for being totally oblivious to your kids’ meal and nap schedules.
Thank you for standing by me through my self-absorbed years while you wiped butts and scrubbed vomit and soothed screaming babies and forgot about yourself while I obsessed over totally meaningless things.
I wish I would have told you what an amazing job you were doing every day. You are amazing, and I am so proud of you, and so truly grateful to (still) be your friend.”
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