Life’s struggles are our personal journey; it is a very personal business. Even when people are faced with the same kind of problems, they will never experience or handle them the same way as someone else. We usually discard generic advice and guidance ‘lessons’ on the basis that we are different and what worked for others usually doesn’t apply to us. We are, after all, unique both in nature and in the way we react to events and situations in our life.

I was reading a book the other day, by Dr. Peggy Pelloni, a  psychotherapist at the University of California. Amongst others things, she talks about how to change and how to accept change in our lives. It’d very important advice that I often reinforce in my own articles.


Here follow some of those points. They may not all apply to your character and circumstances, choose the ones that do, and try to use them whenever you think they could help you in dealing with change!

  • Observe yourself. Listen to your thoughts, listen to what you tell other people  –  this way gaining insight and mindfulness on the way you move, act and behave.

  • Take care of yourself. Look after number one and put aside for a bit everyone else’s wants and needs.

  • Don’t allow other people to persuade you. You have the choice of making your own decisions.

  • Say yes or no. Say what you mean and the time when you feel it.

  • Allow yourself to feel. Feelings and emotions are not good or bad. They are necessary for survival and necessary in communication with other people.

  • Put your priorities right and do only just the necessary when you find yourself in a chaotic situation.

  • Try to only have positive thoughts. Don’t be tempted to fall into the pit of negativity – it’s not a nice place.


  • Laugh often and loud!

  • Listen to music. Music is therapeutic. As Friedrich Nietzsche put it: “Without music, life would be a mistake”. Indeed.

  • Express yourself – with words, dance, art, in writing.

  • Be grateful for everything you have! Say thank you, often.
  • Ask for help! From family, friends or specialists. Asking for help makes us brave and mindful, NOT weak.


  • Congratulate yourself for everything you have achieved so far, no matter how small or big. Recognize your efforts and don’t put yourself down.

  • Give yourself time. Everyone has their own they deal with change and they need their own time to do that in.

  • Embrace your loved ones, friends and family. Hugging is therapeutic.

  • Enjoy the small things in life that give you pleasure and be kind and tender to yourself. If you don’t,  who will?

  • Keep a diary of your feelings and thoughts. And rest! As much as possible. You need it.

  • Call some friends over for dinner or a movie and do something for someone else. You’ll see, it will you make you feel a lot better.

  • Recognise and accept your weakness and your strong points, too. It’s ok, we all have them. Noone is perfect and that is how it should be!


  • Express your pain! Just accept it and let it unfold. You need to go through the mourning period.


Changes take time. They are hard to implement. Acceptance of change is vital if you want to live a fulfilling, dynamic life. Take one step at a time through this difficult self discovery and life changing journey. Slowly, you will get there.

[pull_quote_center]Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman[/pull_quote_center]                                                                                                                         Maya Angelou

Psychologist, world citizen, mother - Effie is one half of the founding pair. She can bring to life any party with either a smile, or a strong opinion. If like us you can't get enough of Effie, visit her blog at

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